Repressed Memories
by xAkinaxChanx
Summary: In this world with endless war, we already know that memories are obtained through battle. But what if a way of reclaiming what has been lost could also be done through sleep? ...What if these glimpses of the past were to do more harm than good? The Warrior of Light checks up on a comrade insistent on keeping watch, and finds himself in a position he wasn't expecting...


**Sorry in advance for the lengthy A/N...**

**Ah, Warrior of Light... he doesn't get much love, I notice. Yes, he's stoic, and at first I was curious about the nameless warrior, but for maybe over a year now, after observing how unshakeable he is in his belief, I guess I may have started taking more of a liking to him than I did years back. Back then, he actually bored me somewhat, but now that I'm older, I have begun to see him in more of a romantic light... ^^ **

**For some time now, I've been wanting to write a little something for the warrior, but was too intimidated to try. For so long, I thought he would be hard to write for, but when I actually started, I realized just how easy he was. This took me about two days to finish, so this is the fastest one shot I've written...**

**Anyways! This story isn't romantic, it's more of a friendship fic. Or it might be slightly romantic, I don't know... but I do know there are some fangirls out there who might still enjoy it none the less, even though our numbers are small. This is actually somewhat nerve wracking since there's not much Warrior of Light x OC fics out there...**

**And... this is written in 2nd person. Just a warning, in case you hate that way of writing. I've already been told I'm horrible for using it, and shortly after that, learned just how 'bad' it is to write in that form. If it isn't your cup of tea, you may take leave now.**

***waits a moment before continuing with anyone who chose to remain and smiles faintly***

**I suggest reading this while listening to Night Without a Star by Adrian von Ziegler... after listening to it, and reading the description posted with it, I realized how fitting it seemed to be. Memories by Simon Daum can also work too.**

**Disclaimer: I only own my OC, Mekina (If you are familiar with her, as a warning she won't exactly be the way she is in the fic. She becomes more withdrawn, and though it's brief, I still tried to retain some of her playfulness. You can think of this as a little peek into what she will be like when certain events come to pass).**

**Despite not being a happy thing to read, I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

Leaning your head back against the tree, you quietly watched the twinkling lights in the darkening sky. For the third night this week, you had volunteered for guard duty while your comrades rested. Being so willing for such a task was a bit of an odd thing, and after saying you wanted to keep watch once more tonight, you did not miss the slightly curious glances few people shared with one another.

Before anyone could really even respond, however, you had already departed a little ways away from the group, unknowingly carrying several pairs of eyes on your fleeting form until you were out of view. Continuing to admire the glistening jewels of the heavens, you absentmindedly fingered the blue crystal ever adorning your neck. Just as the sky grew all the more darker, your thoughts had far already begun to do the same, to your dismay.

Lowering your gaze, you carefully observed the area, foreams now resting over bent knees casually. Despite how you were feeling, you made sure to appear calm on the outside, just in case anyone decided to come over to talk. And as for how you were feeling...

Your lips faintly turned into a frown.

For the past few weeks, you had been having nightmares nearly every time you sought rest, and had now obtained, embarrassed to say, a certain amount of fear with even the idea of falling asleep. At first, the nightmares started out with you seeing a woman that resembled you being killed, then after a few nights, they started changing to other people dying.

Now, seeing such things wouldn't have bothered you so much normally, but if it wasn't for the connection you felt to these people you don't recall seeing before... If it wasn't for that, you would have been alright. But you were beginning to think that the things you were seeing were repressed memories. When all of you came to this world, none of you remembered anything about your own worlds, but the longer everyone remained here, fighting, things were ever so slowly returning to mind for all of you.

Even when you fought with Cloud, you felt an underlying flow of nostalgia. Hell, just looking at the buster sword was enough to give you a certain sadness you couldn't explain rationally. At least unless you looked to that one particular nightmare about that man with two white wings protruding from a shoulder meeting his demise, or that spiky haired guy laying in his own blood in a gloomy wasteland. Maybe your mind was subconciously trying to put hidden pieces back together... but as for that woman... you were sure she was your mother.

Heart thudding at the imagery, you let out a weak, shaky breath.

If these really were things you already endured, why did it have to be these exact things you were seeing again? Why couldn't it have been happy memories instead?

When you finished that thought, you realized your eyes were burning. Quickly blinking away the coming visible sadness, you once again looked around. Nothing too out of the ordinary so far, aside from the footsteps you were hearing from where the camp was. In times like this, you were glad to have such good hearing. Paying closer attention, the clanking of armor came to your ears, bringing the person down to either Cecil, Kain, Firion, or Warrior of Light.

"Mekina... are you alright?"

So it was the Warrior of Light, then.

"Yeah, I'm fine," you answered in more of a quiet tone than you would have liked.

He of course caught on, but didn't say anything about it.

"You should get some rest while you still can. Someone else can take watch tonight."

Stubbornly, you shook your head, and the warrior tried to reason with you.

"It's not good for any of us to carry on with such little sleep for so long. Doing so would only be detrimental in this war."

You knew this, but getting sleep only to end up in a nightmare would be detrimental to you mentally. And even if you did get some rest, you would wake up soon after the nightmare was finished, and be unable to go back asleep. So either way, you were screwed and could only choose between the better of two evils. Though you still weren't sure which was the best way to go about this...

Doing all you could to hide it, you were tired and had gradually been slipping up through every couple of battles. And as all of this continued, becoming more and more of a regular daily occurrence, just like the fighting everyone had been swept away into, you could feel something within slowly breaking.

Closing your eyes, your frown deepened.

"I know..."

He blinked at the tone you used before carefully observing the expression you wore. Taking a few seconds of thought, he spoke, concern becoming more evident in his voice.

"My comrade... what is troubling you?"

Remaining still and silent for a moment, your head lowered a few fractions in a small effort to avoid his gaze. This was bound to happen eventually, you were only hoping it wouldn't have been so soon. He was quiet, patiently waiting for you to respond. And hesitantly, you finally answered.

"I can't sleep."

It wasn't a good response, you knew, but you were still nervous about voicing your burdens. It wasn't what you normally did.

"I see... is it because of the fighting?"

"Not exactly..."

Hearing his armor move again, you knew he had sat down. No way of escaping this conversation now, and with an inaudible sigh, you tried to choose your words carefully. This was going to be embarrassing.

"I..." Pausing as the grip of shame tightened in your chest, you pushed yourself to continue, though it came out in a murmur. "...I keep getting nightmares."

He was briefly silent, most likely thinking about how to best respond. "Do they happen often?"

You gave a short nod.

"They're recurring dreams, but I feel like they're... repressed memories."

"Repressed memories returning in sleep... What makes you think the things you have seen are from your past?"

He sounded genuinely curious and you didn't blame him. After all, he has said before that he believes he doesn't have a past... that, along with having no name to remember upon meeting everyone. You were sure he had a past, it was just only a matter of time until it came to him. But as for answering his question...

Thinking over your next choice of words, you took in a slow breath.

"I feel a strong connection to them... and when I see what happens-" aburptly, you stopped.

You didn't know why, but just talking about all of this made the emotions so much harder to suppress. You had to stop before your voice cracked. Closing your eyes, small tears had begun pricking at the corners of your glowing hues, catching in your lashes.

Needless to say, this sudden pause took the warrior aback.

"I don't remember who they are, but I get nostalgic when I look at them. O-One of them I even think is my mom." Reaching a hand to your necklace, you slightly turned to show it to him. "She even had this with her." Usually, you kept the precious gem out of sight, so this was his first time seeing it.

"It's beautiful..."

At those words, you partially opened your eyes, and faced him a little more to look at the necklace. Moving it closer, you gently held it between your fingers, quietly thanking him. He nodded, now frowning after seeing how your expression was. At least he now understood why you stayed up. But if you saw people from your past, shouldn't you have been happy to see them? Unless...

"When you see them, are they in danger?"

Wrapping your fingers around the crystal, you thought back to the nightmares more vividly. "They're dying... and there's nothing I can do to help them."

Once that was said, you jumped a bit and looked straight ahead. You had just realized that was a reason why you wanted to be on watch. If an enemy was sighted, you'd be able to deal with them before they got to anyone. Your nightmares had not only made you afraid of sleeping, but afraid that you'd let someone else you cared about die.

Suddenly, you found yourself wishing you didn't become friends with anyone in a time of war. Especially since you all would probably never see each other again anyway, even if the war was won... The action did not go unnoticed. Seeing you jump and tremble had him rest a hand against your shoulder.

Wait, when had you started trembling? You didn't know...

_Gaia, I'm losing it..._

"I need to stay up... I'm too..." _scared to fall asleep._

Pausing, you then curled in on yourself somewhat. _Something's wrong with me, Light..._ Resting your head against your knees, your eyes shut. You were breaking. You were breaking right in front of the leader, and there was nothing you could do to stop it. He could tell.

"You do not need to stay up. You have done enough... You have done well, Mekina."

Furiously, your head shook and the tears fell openly now, though he couldn't see.

"No I haven't... If I did well, then I would have been able to help them... I-I can't save anyone."

The words just came out, and you saying them gave off a sense that was how you felt in your own world with all memories entact. It just didn't seem like something you would say while in this world, with the lack of memories thing going on... but it felt like such a natural thing to do. Such a normal thing to think. Maybe in your world, you internalized things like you tried to do here, and had yet to open up to anyone there?

At this point, Warrior of Light had believed you were truly getting your memories back through sleep. He had never seen you so distressed before, and hadn't thought you to be the type to worry openly about things without reason. He tried to reassure you.

"You gave it your all. In doing so, you have without a doubt done well." Not replying, you kept your face hidden from him, crying as he gave your shoulder a slightly awkward squeeze in an attempt of comfort. "And you have saved people... I have seen it done with my own eyes. Do not count your efforts so short..."

Having yet to say anything, you only shook your head again. _But my efforts were never good enough... _

There.

Another thought that seemed natural and saddeningly nostalgic.

Eventually lifting up your gaze, you tried to blink away the tears before carefully letting your glowing orbs examine the area, tears still sliding down your cheeks. He knew what you were doing, and silently admired how even when you were at such a low point, tried to do your self given duty. It was quiet for a while, until he spoke some of his thoughts, hand ever present over your shaking form.

"I feel as though you have already found part of your crystal."

..._What?_

Slightly glancing at him in surprise, you saw him watching the twinkling lights above.

"That necklace of yours... Just like the crystals will show us the way through the coming battles, it will guide you in your own personal fight. Having it already brings some comfort, does it not?"

Noticing it was still tightly between your fingers, you focused on the feeling holding it gave, and sure enough, he was right. Seeing you gently nod, he continued, now watching you. The warrior then gave your shoulder another reassuring squeeze, though this time, it wasn't as awkward as the first one he did... this attempt was quite gentle, perhaps even a little delicate, like how one might handle fine glass.

"We were all told that the crystals light our paths, no matter what. Remember what Cosmos told us... the crystals embody the strength to face despair. That is something that will never fade, Mekina. And with that necklace you were given to by your own mother... I believe you have more than enough strength to surpass this encasing darkness."

His efforts to comfort you did help slightly, but you still found it somewhat hard to believe this would be overcomed. At least not anytime soon, would it be. And as if to go against his words, to prove to him you didn't have this strength he believed you had, you spoke.

"I am partially at fault... for so many people dying."

Looking to the sky, face now in sight, he saw the clear pain gleaming in your enhanced eyes. His words had managed to calm your tears, but the internal emotions still crashed and turned within like a raging sea. Overcoming this would not be such an easy feat.

"I vaguely remember I was in a group of people, like this one, and we were opposing against an organization... I think I use to be a part of them, but..." Shaking your head, you continued. "We were causing too much problems for them, and they wanted us taken out. They made a sector of the city collapse, killing hundreds just to get rid of us..."

The warrior's eyes widened at this news incredulously, but not seeing his face, you carried on speaking.

"I think I'm only getting life changing things coming back to me... Not much good memories I guess, but... you did help me feel a little better." Finally looking to the warrior, you gave him a small, somber smile, few tears still in your lashes. "I can only hope that when we go back to our worlds, I'll be able to remember everything."

Nodding, he responded, "I'm glad I could help. Even if it made no more than a fraction of a difference, that is better than nothing." His brows then furrowed as he went on speaking. "But killing hundreds just to get a group of people..." His head shook in disbelief and disgust. "Those lives lost were neither you or your comrades fault."

Saying nothing, you only frowned. In a rare moment, the warrior's eyes held a faintly gentle, but still stern look in them, surprising you. "I do not mean to pry, but... since you have seen these things so often, are you now afraid of sleeping?"

By the gods, this man could read you like a book, couldn't he?

Quietly staring at him a moment longer, you then quickly looked to the side away from him, resting your head against your knees in a defeated manner.

So that was it, he mused.

Watching you, he pondered over how to resolve this, but wasn't able to come up with anything. There would be no stopping the nightmares until they went away on there own, so the only thing he could do was try to ease your distress upon awakening. Though he felt after this, you would continue keeping things to yourself, which wasn't good, lest you wanted to have another breakdown like this.

"If you remain awake, you will only continue to relive the nightmares..." The Warrior of Light trailed off, as if letting his words sink in a while before speaking again. "...But if you rested, you would at least be able to get some energy back."

With eyes still moist with unshed tears, you took in the direction you were facing. Still no sign of manikins or Chaos' warriors. When both choices were actually said aloud, and by someone else, it made it easier to tell which was the better option.

"So I should just try sleeping then..."

"There is no telling what kind of battles await us tomorrow. We might even come across some warriors of Chaos. I can keep watch while you rest."

Feeling like a child that had to be told to go to bed, you still really didn't want to go through with it. Despite this fact, you released a breath to relax yourself. "I'll try... but can I stay here?" You didn't want to go back, knowing it was still too early for everyone else to have gone asleep, and were most likely talking around the campfire.

If you went back now, it would seem odd, and people would probably ask if you were okay. If this happened, you feared you wouldn't be able to control your emotions completely. Your state of mind was still a little too tender for more questions on whether or not you were fine. Knowing that people cared while you were in this mindset... it got to you more than you would have liked. Made you even more soft.

Tomorrow, you hoped you would be back to your usual calm self.

The Warrior of Light blinked at the request for a moment before nodding, though you weren't able to see it, since you were facing the other way. "Of course..."

Hesitantly, you laid on your side curled up beside him, and closed your eyes. After a minute or two had passed, the sound of fabric instantly filled your ears, and not too long after, you felt something cover you. Opening your eyes, you immediately saw the bright yellow of his cape.

The gesture made your features soften, and you thanked him after he told you it was a bit chilly that night, which was true. But you didn't have it in you to tell him that the cold didn't really bother you too much, though you had yet to remember why your body hardly responded to such things.

You figured it had something to do with the mysterious glow of your eyes, and speaking of which... you didn't close them again just yet. Maybe if you stayed awake like this, he wouldn't know... Lightly taking hold of the cloth, you pulled it up to cover you completely. Even though you didn't actually need to be warmed up, the kind action did give another sort of warmth to you.

A few minutes of you under his cape completely passed in silence, making you think your little plan to stay up was working. But then he started speaking.

"...I can see your eyes glowing, Mekina."

You almost laughed at how he said that. And if it wasn't for the disappointment of finding out they showed behind cloth, you probably would have to. Bringing the fabric down for fresh air, you briefly looked to him with a gentle expression before finally closing your eyes.

"Night, Light."

* * *

**Warrior of Light is like a night light... that lone glimmer that shines the brightest in the dark. Though he also is like a knight too. He's a knight light- *gets shot* **


End file.
